As a missionary, I was constanly surrounded by people-day in and day out. We would talk to members of our church, people who had questions, or even strangers on the street who were looking for something more. Even when I was on my own, I was never truly alone because I had a companion somewhere near by. Talk about an extrovert's dream come true!
Well, as you can imagine, being home, being a normal person, is NOTHING like being a missionary. A common question I get asked since coming back to my little town is, "What's the hardest thing about being home?" To be perfectly honest, the answer changes a quite lot. Some days, certain things are harder than others. There are even moments when nothing seems difficult. I love being home! After all, its home! I live with a family of 6, and help out with the 4 little ones on a daily basis. I have many friends near by that I see and talk to constantly. I'm out in the world, job hunting, shopping, and just living life. Certainly, I have nothing to complain about. There's always so much to do!
Yet there remains a bitter-sweet stain as I move forward with life. The fact is, I miss my mission. I miss Hawaii. But more than that, I miss the people that I grew to love so much. So it seems that my mission has changed. Yes, I miss them. I miss constantly being surrounded by people. I miss living on an island in the middle of the pacific ocean. I miss being so busy all the time that I hardly had a moment to think about myself. I miss the whether, the culture, the food. But now I am home. This is home, and its time to move forward. My mission now is to remember with love the people, the places, the culture, the things that I learned, the things that I taught, and learn from them; apply them to my life. They will always be a part of me. Nothing will take that time, those memories, these friendships, away from me.
As missionaries, and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we teach that God has a plan for us. All of us. He knows us each individually by name. This has been a great comfort to me in the past few weeks, and I'm certain will continue to be so in the coming weeks, months, and years of my life. God is in control. My job is to let go of the reigns, and trust in Him. To continue doing those things that I taught others to do for a year and half. Then, it won't matter if I'm on a crowded stage or in an empty room. The Lord is on my side. He knows me. If I let Him, He will help me through this difficult transition. I know He will. He's always been there for me in the past. I have no reason to doubt that my future will be any different.
Driving home from a friend's house the other night, I heard this song come on the radio, and it reminded me of the truths that I just shared with you. It particularly struck home to me, as one of my dreams since childhood has been to be a famous singer. I've always loved the stage. I guess it comes with being an extrovert. But this song was a gentle, loving reminder from my Father in Heaven that no matter what happens, He knows my name, and that's all that really matters.
