Wow.
I know its silly but I thought this day would never come. As of today, I've
been home from my mission for exactly one year.
Not a day goes by that
I don't think about the wonderful people of Hawaii, and the amazing experiences
that I had while serving them for 18 months. I love them. I miss them. I am
forever grateful for them and the time that I had with them.
In the year since I've
come home I've received countless tender mercies. Two great semesters of
college, six fantastic roommates, the best job in the world, and a loving place
to call home are just the tip of the iceberg. Although I'm nowhere near where I
thought I would be by this time, I know that I am exactly where the Lord needs
me. Life is good.
I am so thankful for
the lessons that I learned during my time as a missionary. Those lessons have
helped me overcome the many trials I have faced since coming home. Because of
my time in Hawaii, I know that the Lord is with me no matter how dark the road
I face is. I look forward to the years ahead which I'm certain will be full to
the brim of both blessings and trials. But one thing my mission taught me is
that you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. I only pray that I
continue to hold fast to what I know to be true as I continue to seek the Lord
in all I do.
I've often heard songs, stories, and even friends refer to life as a storybook. Well, I'm not sure what you think of when you picture a storybook, but I tend to think of a good old fashioned fairy tale. You know, the kind where the lonely girl and prince charming ride off into a beautiful sunset, ready to live out their happily ever after? I like to think it's the optimist in me.
But you know, it's funny how my mind skips right to the end.
Lately, I've been having to constantly remind myself that happily ever after doesn't just happen. Referring to the heroes and heroines of almost every fairy tale, a leader from my church once pointed out that, "Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity" (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, 2010). Once again, perhaps it's the unyielding optimist inside of me, my faith in God, or a bit of both, but I am a firm believer in happily ever after. My only problem seems to be accepting that there has to be some sort of story line before that time comes. There has to be a middle. I know there does. But does it have to hurt so much? Why can't I just be happy NOW? Why do I have to wait 'till THE END?
President Uchtdorf went on to say later in his address:
In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy. (2010)
In my life, I'm at a point where everything is changing. All of my closest friends are moving on with their lives, graduating from college, getting real jobs, getting married, and/or traveling the world... their stories seem to be moving along quite nicely, and I kind of feel like I'm getting left behind. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my joy is rather bitter-sweet. It's kinda like being back in elementary school when the class is getting split up into teams and you're the last one picked. People say that it doesn't really matter, that I'm still young, or that it's just the media or the culture telling me I need to move on, and I'm really fine where I'm at. But you know what? True or not, it doesn't stop it from hurting.
There's a lot of stuff in the media these days promoting women to be strong and independent. "You don't need a man!" they shout. Perhaps they're right, but I like to think of myself as a bit more old fashioned. Call me crazy, but someday, I'd actually like to find myself in the traditional family setting, in a little old house, in a little old town, with little old neighbors, adorable children and loving husband that goes to work everyday so I can take care of our family at home. That's the goal anyway. Of course I know life won't be all roses when and if I ever get to that point, but for now, I'm just worried about getting there.
And for now, I'm just doing my best to not lose sight of the big picture. This moment of struggle and heartache won't last forever, because that's all it is: a moment. I just have to keep holding on and trust that God knows what is best for me. His timing is always the way to go. After all, He is the author of everything and He knows the way. I love these last words from President Uchtdorf:
We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own “happily ever after.” The truth is, God knows how to get there! And He has created a map for you; He knows the way. He is your beloved Heavenly Father, who seeks your good, your happiness. He desires with all the love of a perfect and pure Father that you reach your supernal destination. The map is available to all...All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan.
In the end, I think what it boils down to, is learning to be happy in the moment. There are so many things to be joyful about even amid the trials of life. Happily ever after will come, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy now. One of my favorite sayings goes something like this, "I can cry because rose bushes have thorns, or I can rejoice that thorn bushes have roses." It's up to me how I will view each day. And with God by my side, it doesn't matter what trials come my way, what dragons I have to brave, I will come out on top. One day I will reach my happily ever after, but until then, I will continue to find joy in the journey.
