When Words Fail

Today I had an interesting experience. It was one of those moments that's difficult to really put into words. But I'll do my best.

For the past 5 days, I've been with a large group on a church history tour all throughout the mid-west. I signed up for the tour thinking it would be an awesome adventure, and a chance to check some things off my bucket list, but today it became something much more than that.

All throughout the trip, I heard people talk about the Spirit that they felt, "It's so strong here," they claimed. Some people fought tears most of the trip, others gave way to the waterfalls behind their eyes, and I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I couldn't feel anything. Yeah, the places we were visiting were cool, there was a lot of history with a lot of heartache, but what were they feeling? What did they get that I seemed to be missing? Even standing in Nauvoo on the banks of the Mississippi river, looking out across the water, trying to imagine what it must have been like for the early saints, I didn't feel much other than, well, bad. I felt bad for them. I admired them, I felt sorrow for them, but I couldn't say that I felt much else.

Today, something was different. As we pulled up to the cemetery at Winter Quarters in Omaha, Nebraska, I felt something tug at my heart. I shrugged it off as we toured the visitor center, but as I stepped through the gate onto the cemetery grounds, an indescribable feeling of peace washed over me. I felt an overwhelming, compelling desire - no, a need- to be respectful and reverent. I felt that I was standing some place truly sacred.

As our group gathered around a beautiful statue depicting the struggles of the saints and a long list of names of those who had passed away during difficult times, a sort of quiet settled around us. Four or five people stood up to give a small devotional about the place we were in. We sang a hymn with nothing but the birds and the breeze to accompany us, and I felt that angels were singing with us.

I knew at that moment, that these people that we were remembering were so much more than names on a grave. They were more than merely the persecuted. These were people of faith. They knew what they were leaving, they didn't know what was ahead. and so many suffered so much, but these people knew that they had found something more valuable than any earthly treasure, and more comforting than the walls of any home or sanctuary in the world. They had found the gospel of Jesus Christ, restored in its fullness to the earth after centuries of being lost. And nothing could bring them greater joy, even amid the heartbreaking trials of sickness, death, and homelessness.

When the time came to leave, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to stay there. Forever. I was reminded of my own testimony, and the light that I have felt throughout my life because of my Savior Jesus Christ. It's hard to explain, but I felt the love of my Savior for myself, and for these people. And suddenly, I didn't feel bad anymore. These people, these early latter-day saints may not have known exactly what trials they would be called to face, but they knew that no matter what came, the Lord was on their side. He had promised them just as much.

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for they good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

Therefore, hold on they way...Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever (Doctrine &Covenants 122:7-9).

I don't know everything. I have a lot of questions, confusions, and frustrations about life, and sometimes, even about the gospel. But that's okay, because of what I do know. I do know that God is there, and I know that he cares deeply. He knows what's in my heart, even when words fail me. I know that he is in the little moments like the one I had at the cemetery today. I know that Christ lives. I know that he leads this church. I know that he has called a prophet just like prophets in days of old, because he cares about us just as much as he cared about the people who lived back then.

I'm so grateful for the early saints who joined the church and stuck through the hard times. I so glad that I chose to come on this trip. Things have worked out perfectly, and although I can hardly wait to get off this bus, I'm thankful for the cramped space and wheels that have taken me hundreds of miles in only a few short days. It took the pioneers 4 months to cross Iowa. I made that same trip today in 9 hours. I know I say this a lot, but I am so blessed. I pray that I never forget.

Come, come ye saints, no toil or labor fear, 

but with joy wend your way. 

Though hard to you this journey may appear 

Grace shall be as your day.

Tis better far for us to strive

Our useless cares from us to drive

Do this and joy - your hearts will swell

All is well! All is well!

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well! All is well!

We'll find the place which God for us prepared,
Far away, in the West,
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
There the saints, will be blessed.
We'll make the air, with music ring,
Shout praises to our God and King;
Above the rest these words we'll tell -
All is well! All is well!

And should we die before our journey's through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;
With the just we shall dwell!
But if our lives are spared again
To see the Saints their rest obtain,
Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell-
All is well! All is well!