*California Adventure* A Light in the Dark

I'm constantly surprised at the amount of stuff that can happen in a single month.This past month has been no exception.

View of the Bay Bridge from Treasure Island

As of today I have been in California for one month - and what an amazing month it has been!! I have spent hours with my wonderful family: held my precious new born nephew, played with his older brother, and gotten to better know my sister and her husband. I have made a fantastic group of friends that have taken me on adventures, constantly make me laugh till it hurts, and helped me to feel welcome in this strange new place. Although California is nothing like my small town in the-middle-of-nowhere Idaho, I'm loving every second. It hasn't taken me very long at all to see God's hand in bringing me out here. I have been learning and growing in ways I could never have imagined back home. This was the right choice for me.

One of the greatest lessons I have been learning since coming out here, is a lesson in hope. For those of you who read my post back in June, "Hope Behind my Walls," you may remember that I was going through a bit of a rough spot. Despite my challenges I held onto my faith that, "I can do all things through Christ which strengeneth me" (Philippeans 4:13). After a while, although I refused to let go of my faith, I began to lose sight of hope. I knew that Christ was there, but I began to wonder if he was there for me. I kept re-evaluating my life, wondering what I was missing. Of course I wasn't perfect, but I felt like I was doing pretty good with the basics. So why was the darkness in my life not yet giving way to light??

A sunflower on Google Campus

At the exact moment I needed it the most, I received counsel to keep holding onto the light, no matter how small it seemed. God could not forget me. He hadn't up to this point, and he never would. So I kept going, and ever so slowly, the world began to brighten around me: like the way the sun begins to melt away the night just before a glorious sunrise. And that was just the beginning.

Almost as soon as I arrived here in California, it was as if the sun burst from behind the horizon, filling my life once again with radiant light.

Life isn't meant to be easy, we are here to be tested. Growth often requires pain or struggling of some kind: if life were easy we would never learn. But God has given us a way through the dark patches of life, and that way is hope.

I use to really struggle with understanding the difference between faith and hope. After all, Paul teaches that, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for..." and Alma teaches similarly that, "...if ye have faith, ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." But after reading the book, "Believing Christ," and listening to some great talks from this most recent general conference, I re-read the following verses from Moroni 7 with a new understanding:

41 And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.
42 Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.

Reading these verses from the Book of Mormon, the thought came to me that perhaps while faith is believing in Christ, that he came, that he died, and that he lives, hope is believing that because he did these things, not just for mankind but for me personally, I can become a better person. Hope is believing that no matter what happens, things will work out in the end. Hope is knowing that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark and long.

I can't believe it took coming all the way out to California for me to learn that, but the Lord works in mysterious ways. And I'm certain that He has plenty more lessons for me to learn before I head home in a few months. In the mean time, although the past year hasn't turned out anywhere close to how I planned, I know that God's plan for me is so much more amazing.

So I guess that's what it means to have hope. :)

A message for everyone at Baker Beach :)

*California Adventure* Cherish Every Moment

It's day two here in California and I'm loving every second. My newest nephew was born the night before I arrived! Surprise! I could hardly wait to meet him.

Funny story from my trip here... Last time I took a plane somewhere, I was a missionary flying home to my family. And having flown quite a bit on my mission from island to island every time I was transferred, my missionary mode kicked in pretty much as soon as I hit the airport. Naturally, I smiled and said hello to EVERYONE. Okay, so maybe the fact that I had a brand new nephew had a little bit to do with my ridiculous grin and overly friendly personality, but hey, people smiled back! Anywho, I got in line to go through security and who should get in line right behind me, but a local born Hawaiian. Well that just about did it. Could my day get any better? The one friend I made in the Salt Lake airport would be Hawaiian. We chatted through the line and he followed me to my gate, since a misunderstanding in his flight would leave him waiting around the airport for several hours after my flight departed. It was great to talk story with a local. Hawaii will forever be in my heart!

After he took off looking for food, I did the only natural thing there is to do in an airport: I pulled out my ukulele and started playing. Oh wait... I guess it's only natural if you're in Hawaii... Well, the people in Salt Lake sure gave me some funny looks but no one seemed bothered by it. In fact, the lady sitting next to me thanked me for the music and a gentleman from across the waiting area came and sat by me just to hear me better and to strike up a conversation about how much one of the Beatles band members loved the ukulele. Haha it was a grand old time.

After all the fun I had with traveling though, nothing beats seeing my family and holding my new born nephew for the very first time. There's something miraculous about holding a tiny infant in your arms, knowing that not so long ago, they were with our Father in Heaven. New, innocent, a little bit wrinkled and 100% lovable. I could hold him all day. I love watching my older nephew with him. He gets so excited to see and hold his little brother. There's so much wonder in children. The way they see the world is magnificent, and being around them reminds me to slow down a bit... see the world through their eyes...

Sum up of this post: God is good! I had safe, enjoyable travels and made some great new friends along the way. My nephew is here and everyone is home safe. Life is a precious miracle: cherish every second!

*California Adventure* Families are Forever

You know how things look smaller from a distance? Like how a great mountain can seem almost quaint in its beauty if you're far enough away. Then, when you find yourself at the foothills, you begin to realize how enormous that mountain actually is. That's kind of how I'm feeling at the moment.

A few months ago my sister called me up, "So I have this crazy idea," she started. I smiled, I like crazy ideas. She wanted me to come stay with her and her family in California to spend time with them, and help to take care of my nephews (one is four, and one will be here soon!). After talking it through and praying about it for a little while, we came up with a plan that worked for both of us. I've been getting very excited for this trip, especially as it's gotten closer and closer. Four months in California seems like a nice break in the monotony of my life as a working college student. Especially if I get to spend those four months with family.

I spent Saturday morning at the temple
with my mother. Temples are where we
can be sealed to our families for more
than just "till death do us part." In the
temple, families are made to be forever.

Well now it's here. I find myself at the foothills of my trip and it looks a lot bigger up close. I'm still ridiculously excited and can hardly wait to see my sister, brother-in-law, and soon to be two little nephews. But the past few days I can't shake the feeling that this trip is more than I expect it's going to be. As if something important is going to happen, or there are lessons that I'm going to learn that I couldn't learn any other way. Whatever the case, my journey has begun.

It was harder to say goodbye to my little town in Idaho, my friends, and my co-workers than I was expecting; maybe that's why I think this trip is more than I planned. Idaho has my heart. But whatever happens in California, it's bound to be a grand adventure, and after much prayer and planning, I'm finally on my way!

My first stop on my way to Cali has been a short visit with my grandparents in the Salt Lake Valley. Last night we celebrated my Granddad's 90th birthday! Can you believe it? 90! And this morning at church I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. I have a family. A crazy, complicated, all-over-the-place kind of family, but they're mine all the same. And I love them. And you know what's even better? Because of Christ, they can be mine forever. It doesn't have to stop at 90 or even 100 years. I can be with my family in this life and on through the next into eternity.

I love this video: it testifies that this life is not the end. Families are meant to be forever.

I don't want to take this time I have with my family for granted. I can be with them forever, but I want to start now. I suppose that's the real reason why I'm heading to California. To get know my sister's family better, to build relationships, and to grow in love as a family. I'm grateful for my family, and for the gospel and the knowledge I have that families can be together forever.

Like I said before, I can't tell you how excited I am for this trip. I'll keep ya'll updated as things happen. But for now, California, here I come!

Life is Good

Wow. I know its silly but I thought this day would never come. As of today, I've been home from my mission for exactly one year.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about the wonderful people of Hawaii, and the amazing experiences that I had while serving them for 18 months. I love them. I miss them. I am forever grateful for them and the time that I had with them.

                                                             

In the year since I've come home I've received countless tender mercies. Two great semesters of college, six fantastic roommates, the best job in the world, and a loving place to call home are just the tip of the iceberg. Although I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be by this time, I know that I am exactly where the Lord needs me. Life is good.

I am so thankful for the lessons that I learned during my time as a missionary. Those lessons have helped me overcome the many trials I have faced since coming home. Because of my time in Hawaii, I know that the Lord is with me no matter how dark the road I face is. I look forward to the years ahead which I'm certain will be full to the brim of both blessings and trials. But one thing my mission taught me is that you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. I only pray that I continue to hold fast to what I know to be true as I continue to seek the Lord in all I do.

The Girl I Am - Jenessa Buttars

Sometimes I feel so young

In my Father's arms

He shows me how

He knows who I'll become

Cause He sees the heart

Of whom I am now

I don't need to rush

Or wait for my future

He knows I'm strong enough

And He has a plan

For the girl I am

When I feel His love

Opens my eyes

To all that I have

And it's like waking up

Knowing my part

Right where I stand

I don't need to rush

Or wait for my future

He knows I'm strong enough

And He has a plan

For the girl I am

And I believe

That I will find

Best part of me

As I follows His light

I don't need to rush

Or wait for my future

He knows I'm strong enough

And He has a plan

For the girl I am

Once Upon a Time...

I've often heard songs, stories, and even friends refer to life as a storybook. Well, I'm not sure what you think of when you picture a storybook, but I tend to think of a good old fashioned fairy tale. You know, the kind where the lonely girl and prince charming ride off into a beautiful sunset, ready to live out their happily ever after? I like to think it's the optimist in me.

But you know, it's funny how my mind skips right to the end.

Lately, I've been having to constantly remind myself that happily ever after doesn't just happen. Referring to the heroes and heroines of almost every fairy tale, a leader from my church once pointed out that, "Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity" (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, 2010). Once again, perhaps it's the unyielding optimist inside of me, my faith in God, or a bit of both, but I am a firm believer in happily ever after. My only problem seems to be accepting that there has to be some sort of story line before that time comes. There has to be a middle. I know there does. But does it have to hurt so much? Why can't I just be happy NOW? Why do I have to wait 'till THE END? 

President Uchtdorf went on to say later in his address:

In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy. (2010)

In my life, I'm at a point where everything is changing. All of my closest friends are moving on with their lives, graduating from college, getting real jobs, getting married, and/or traveling the world... their stories seem to be moving along quite nicely, and I kind of feel like I'm getting left behind. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my joy is rather bitter-sweet. It's kinda like being back in elementary school when the class is getting split up into teams and you're the last one picked. People say that it doesn't really matter, that I'm still young, or that it's just the media or the culture telling me I need to move on, and I'm really fine where I'm at. But you know what? True or not, it doesn't stop it from hurting.

There's a lot of stuff in the media these days promoting women to be strong and independent. "You don't need a man!" they shout. Perhaps they're right, but I like to think of myself as a bit more old fashioned. Call me crazy, but someday, I'd actually like to find myself in the traditional family setting, in a little old house, in a little old town, with little old neighbors, adorable children and loving husband that goes to work everyday so I can take care of our family at home. That's the goal anyway. Of course I know life won't be all roses when and if I ever get to that point, but for now, I'm just worried about getting there.

And for now, I'm just doing my best to not lose sight of the big picture. This moment of struggle and heartache won't last forever, because that's all it is: a moment. I just have to keep holding on and trust that God knows what is best for me. His timing is always the way to go. After all, He is the author of everything and He knows the way. I love these last words from President Uchtdorf:

We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own “happily ever after.” The truth is, God knows how to get there! And He has created a map for you; He knows the way. He is your beloved Heavenly Father, who seeks your good, your happiness. He desires with all the love of a perfect and pure Father that you reach your supernal destination. The map is available to all...All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan.

In the end, I think what it boils down to, is learning to be happy in the moment. There are so many things to be joyful about even amid the trials of life. Happily ever after will come, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy now. One of my favorite sayings goes something like this, "I can cry because rose bushes have thorns, or I can rejoice that thorn bushes have roses." It's up to me how I will view each day. And with God by my side, it doesn't matter what trials come my way, what dragons I have to brave, I will come out on top. One day I will reach my happily ever after, but until then, I will continue to find joy in the journey.

Beauty in Knowing

Diamonds.

One of the most beautiful gems. Pure. Eye-catching. Brilliant.

Do you know how diamonds are formed?

"Diamonds are crystals of pure carbon that form under crushing pressures and intense heat."

Subject change.

I was talking with someone today about my fear of people seeing me completely; my fear of being judged because of where I have come from. I don't want anyone to see my weaknesses, the struggles that I've been through, or the struggles that I'm going through now. It goes back to that vulnerability. The challenge it is for me to share myself with others. To let people in. I only want people to see the smiles, the laughter, the person that I have become: not the person I have been.

I described to her (the person I was talking to), it's like painting a picture. I'm not sure what it is, or what it means, but somehow, it's beautiful. Then I show it to someone, and they see beyond the picture. They analyze it, try to understand the background, what it is, why I painted it the way I did. "I don't want them to see all that. I just want them to accept the picture and see it's beauty!" Why do people feel the need to judge?

Her reply illuminated an entirely new perspective for me, "Knowing where something came from doesn't make it any less beautiful."

Like diamonds. Knowing how a diamond is made doesn't make it any less amazing. In fact, it rather adds to the beauty and wonder of it all. A rock, put under crushing amounts of pressure and intense heat. Then a diamond.

People are like that too.

I think this video does a better job of explaining than I ever could.

So I know it wasn't about diamonds, but it's the same basic principle. The Lord gives me challenges to form me into the person He knows I can be. Does it hurt? Heck yes it does. But if I can accept the challenge, I can be formed into something beautiful. It doesn't matter what other people see or think. Because I am in the Lord's hands and He is the Master Refiner.

No matter what trials we have in our lives, heartache, tragedy, a broken home, addictions, abuse, the loss of loved ones, these things can make us beautiful. If we let them. I love what the woman said in the video, "The greater our sorrow, the greater our capacity to feel joy." It's our job to respond in a beautiful way. 

And never be ashamed.

Because after all, "Knowing where someone came from, doesn't make them any less beautiful."

Hope Behind My Walls

Confession.

I am terrified of meeting new people.

I'm absolutely rubbish at making new friends.

It's odd really. I don't know how it happened. It feels like one day, I was great at it, laughing and talking with strangers. My goal in life was to make a new friend where ever I went. Then suddenly, everything changed.

In my family relations class, we talked about something called the intimacy cycle: it's basically how we make new friends and grow closer to old ones. Step one is you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. For example, say hello to someone new. There's always the chance they'll roll their eyes and walk away (which has happened to me before), but there's also the chance they'll say hi back. Which brings us to step two, where needs are either met or they aren't. If you say hello to a stranger, you're hoping that they will respond in a positive manner. If they do, your needs have been met. If they don't, that creates distance. Met needs creates closeness and trust begins to form, and the cycle starts all over again. 

Well here's the thing - I dislike being vulnerable.

For so many years I was the girl sent to the back of the classroom, the one crying in the corner, the needy friend. Serving my mission, I found a strength in the Lord I never thought I could have. I learned to be happy and strong, and to rely heavily on Him. He helped me overcome many hurtles.

Then I came home.

My spiritual high dropped suddenly from beneath my feet and I found myself gasping, searching desperately for something to fill the void in my life where my mission used to be.

And I was terrified.

But the Lord had helped me through so many other things, surely He would help me through this as well. For the most part, I kept my fears to myself. I could be strong. Countless others have been in my shoes. I'm certainly not the first to struggle with coming home from a mission. And after all, I am a returned missionary. If I can make it through a mission, I can make it through anything...right?

I think that's where it started. Wanting to be strong on my own. My heart and my head were full of pain and confusion. I didn't know what to say to people. I didn't even know who I was anymore. My mission felt like a dream. No matter how I described it to people, they could never understand exactly how my mission felt. They would never know exactly how my mission affected and changed me. I felt very alone. At first people were understanding, but after a couple months of being home, someone told me to let it go already, it was time to move on.

But I wasn't ready to let it go. So I closed myself off. My grace period was over, but there was still so much left unsaid. I didn't have the words for it all. I kept quiet. Trying to find the balance between who I was before the mission and who I became on the mission.

Somewhere between then and now my strong silence turned into a bitter distaste for vulnerability in myself and a paralyzing fear of being hurt. I've erected walls around my heart, thicker and higher than they've ever been before. 

And that's where I am.

Terrified of meeting new people. Frozen at the thought, I stare blankly at strangers who come to my apartment. But I mustn't look vulnerable. So I look cold. My icy gaze questions their every movement, doubts every word that falls from their lips.

How have I become this?

My dear friends, those of you who have stuck around through the years, or those who have managed to break through my walls in recent months, I need your help. Please, just... say a prayer for me. I've had walls up most of my life, but it's getting out of hand, and I'm ready for them to come down. I just can't do it on my own. I know that the Lord will help me, but it is often through His children that He works. I know now, faith isn't enough. I can't push away the people the Lord sends me.

It's like the story of the man of great faith, who, trapped on the roof of his house by a flood, prayed to the Lord, "Save me!" Many times passer-by's stopped and offered the man a way to safety, starting with a family on a boat leading up to a helicopter rescue. But each time the man was given a way out of his circumstance, he kindly rejected, "No thank you," he replied calmly, "the Lord will save me." When the man finally drowned, and he reached the pearly gates he asked the Lord, "Lord, why didn't you save me? I prayed to you, and I knew that you could, why did you let me die?" The Lord replied, "I sent you a family with a boat, and a man with a helicopter, why did you reject the help that I sent?"

We were put on this earth to lift each other, to help each other make it back to the presence of God. I know I don't have to face anything alone. None of us do. If you made it this far into my blog post, please do me one last favor, and listen to the song I put up here. It's a beautiful description of how I feel. "There's hope in front of me, there's a light, I still see it. There's a hand holding me even when I don't believe it. I might be down but I'm not dead. There's better days still up ahead..." I don't want you to walk away from this thinking that I'm broken, because I'm not. I'm just in a rough spot, and asking for your support as I strive to work with God in  making a change. 

Thank you. I love you all.

Lacie Anne

Sunshine and Storms

Spring is a funny season. Or rather, mankind's view of spring is a funny thing. You see, when people think of spring, they think of perfect, warm days, gentle sunshine and a cool breeze. They think of green grass and budding flowers, shaded by wafting white clouds dancing across a happy blue sky. But for my mountainous desert home, those kind of spring days are a rare and joyous blessing.

Here, spring means you never know what kind of weather today will bring. One morning I'll wake up to a blizzard blowing its icy breath through my open window. Walking to school I'll see yellow flowers laced with frost, and grass peeking through the snow. I don't worry though. I know that another day or two will bring back my glorious sunshine and all will be right with the world. Some days are simply grey. I'm often reminded of how bitter wind can be and find myself dreaming of the days back in Kohala, on the north shore of the Big Island, when the salty breeze was a welcome treat.

But not today. Today is perfect.

Today is everything that we dream spring should be.

As I sit here in the grass, soaking up the sun, I feel so blessed. Life has thrown me a lot of curve balls - I've had my share of blizzards in the spring. But it's the flowers poking through that remind me to hold on: for days like this are what make life more than worth it.

Of course it's easy to be grateful when the sun is shining, both literally and metaphorically speaking. The trick is remembering amid the storms of life, that the sun will shine again. Grass will grow. Flowers will bloom. Some times they're waiting, just under the snow.

I love my home. The weather may be crazy and completely unpredictable, but it serves as an amazing reminder to me. I've learned to be grateful for the weather, no matter what it is. There is a beauty to every season. Now, I'm learning to be thankful for what ever seasons I may be passing through in life. I believe there must be something beautiful that can come from each of them as well. While in Hawai'i, serving in the western side of Honolulu I saw rainbows every day. It was the perfect place for the Lord to teach me a lesson. I learned that Father in Heaven never sends a storm without a rainbow close behind. Once I learned that, I was sent to Hilo, on the east side of the Big Island. It was there that I heard President Uchtdorf teach the importance of being grateful for storms.

How much of life do we miss waiting to see the rainbow, before thanking God that there is rain? Being grateful in times of distress does not mean we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. (President Uchtdorf, General Conference April 2014, "Grateful in Any Circumstance")

Strange concept, being grateful for storms; but that's what I've been thinking about on this perfect spring day. I love spring. And I am so thankful for today. I pray that I can be thankful for every day, because no matter what the weather, it is one more day God has granted me here on Earth.

Where's my Heart?

Lets talk about love.

I don't mean the gooey, sappy, over-inflated, totally infatuated, young-married-couple kind of love. Nor am I referring to that disturbing romance novel-turned Hollywood film that everyone is talking about lately. I mean real, true love. Pure love. Christ-Like love.

I mean charity.

"But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him." -Book of Mormon, Moroni 7:47

Around this time of year especially, its easy to think that if you don't have, "a special someone" in your life, that you don't have love. But if that's what you think, you're wrong. There is so much more to love than just holding hands and blowing kisses. Charity goes beyond sending flowers, secret notes, and delicious chocolates to someone attractive.

Charity is the pure love of Christ. Just think about that for a minute. What does that mean? The pure love of Christ. The first thing I think of when I hear the word "pure" is the color white. Clean. Innocent. Unstained. The second thing I think of is a child. Clean. Innocent. Unstained. How does a child love? My mind is brought back to being a nanny and having the 8 year old boy that I helped take care of bring me a drawing of a rainbow. "I love rainbows," I had said to him not 10 minutes earlier, "They're one of my favorite things." I think of the 2 year old girl saying, "Hi Lacie!" every morning when I came up the stairs. Or the 4 year old who tackled me with hugs. The 6 year old who wanted to sit and talk with me when I was alone. "Don't you want to go play?" I asked. "No. I just want to be with you," she smiled.

Children seem to have charity down to an art. 

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." -Moroni 7:45

Well, that about sums it up doesn't it?

Kind of a tall order.

Sometimes I look at this list and wonder, "How can I ever accomplish all of this? Why should I even bother trying?" Serving a mission, I felt so much love for so many people. Coming home, being released, and being left without those extra blessings of the Spirit that come from being set apart as a servant of the Lord, was a heavy let down. I was warned about this feeling, but I'll be honest, I didn't really believe it would be that much of a difference. I was wrong.

The past few months I've been struggling to figure out who I am, where I am going, and what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Quite the change from 18 months of thinking about, worrying about, and praying for every other person I came in contact with. Its been so stressful! And I thought a mission was hard.

Six months home, and I'm just starting to scratch the surface of balance. Yes, I need to think about myself, I need to have some sort of direction for my life, but I also need to be working on developing these qualities. So that's what I'm doing. Its a slow and occasionally painful process. It requires putting aside my pride. It requires reaching out. I know I keep talking about this, but honestly, its because reaching out is so hard for me. Since being home, all I've really wanted to do is be alone, or with people who I already know. Forget about making new friends. Forget about charity.

Yeah, no. Not cool.

So what to do. After a somewhat chastising church meeting addressing the importance of deep scripture study, I made up my mind to do just that. Study charity. So that's what I've been doing. For the past week I've focused all of my studies and my goals on obtaining charity, the pure love of Christ. I have so many areas that need improvement. I'm really glad my test of life isn't over yet, because I'm going to need all the extra time I can get to get this one down.

But, here's what I've learned so far.

-"...charity edifieth..." In other words, charity builds up, strengthens, establishes, and repairs (1 Corinthians 8:1).

-"Rejoice with them that rejoice, and weep with them that weep." (Romans 12:15) I take this to mean, listen with your heart. And then apply the previous scripture.

-"Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." (Romans 13:10) When we feel true charity towards one another, we won't want to hurt one eachtother. Have you ever noticed how all of the commandments are based on either loving God or loving our neighbor? No wonder the Savior said that those were the two greatest commandments in the law. Keep those and the rest will follow...

These are just a few of the main points I've picked up this week. Now to apply them in my life... I'd like to start off my application by apologizing to any of you that I may have brushed off in the past few months. I promise its nothing that you've done. Like I said, I've got a lot to work on when it comes to charity. I'd also like to thank those of you who have been an example of charity to me, who have listened, loved, and lifted in my times of trial. Keep doing what you're doing.

And finally, I'll wrap this post up with one last scripture from the Book of Mormon. This has always been one of my favorite verses in the Book of Mormon. It is a plea from an ancient prophet, written to us, in our day, begging us to do all we can to obtain charity:

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of Go; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may purified even as he is pure. Amen." (Moroni 7:48).

Start a Fire

Life continues.

Five months home and I find myself back at college. Its been quite a while since I've been in a classroom setting, but I'd say I've been adjusting pretty well. I've reached that point in my schooling that I get to take classes that I enjoy, rather than just the required credits. I'm loving every second. 

However, school isn't what I want to talk about today.

I've recently been going through a personal trial, much like the ones that you've been through or may be dealing with right now. And much like my prideful self, I've been trying to handle it all on my own. And much like my selfish self, I haven't been paying much attention to anyone around me. So basically, unlike anything I learned on my mission. Its crazy how fast some lessons can be forgotten. Going through the motions day by day: wake up, go to work, go to school, come home, do homework, watch movies, go to bed, repeat. All I can think about is myself and my trial. Constantly looking inward, trying to sort things out in my mind. Trying not to feel, I would do my daily scripture study out of habit more than really searching for truth or answers. I would pray but not for very long. I guess I was afraid that if I opened up to God that I might break. And I couldn't let that happen. Besides, this wasn't anything I couldn't figure out on my own. Right?

Yesterday I was reminded of the flaw in this logic. I felt very humbled as a friend reminded me of the importance of meaningful prayer, and later that same day received multiple reminders of how much God really does love me and is listening to my prayers. Tender mercies.

When we go through life, its easy to get caught up in a monotonous pattern of simply going through the motions. So easy to exist, rather than live. When we are given trials, its in our nature to want to handle them on our own. Its in our nature to look inward, and stop seeing the world around us. But that's not what life is for and that's not why we are given trials. We need to live. There will always be trials. There's always another mountain to climb, battle to fight, or puzzle to solve. But we are not alone. God, our Father in Heaven is watching over us, and will help us through these trials if we let Him. We may feel like the only person in the world who understands what its like, but that's not true. Our Savior Jesus Christ knows exactly how we feel:

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains an afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains an the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bans of death which bind his people; and he will take up him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Book of Mormon, Alma 7:11-12)

The answers that I received to my prayers yesterday came in the form of text messages and snap chats from three different people. They were simple, but they were exactly what I needed at the moment I got them. I don't know what prompted my three completely different, unconnected friends to contact me, but they did it. And it was an answer to my prayer. Because they were reaching out rather than in, I felt lifted and loved. How simple it must have been for them to send those messages. But how many times do we think to ourselves, "I should call this person," and then never get around to it? How often do we think, "I should say hi to that person," but our voices stay silent? I know I'm guilty of it. Its so important that we follow these promptings and reach out to others. Because we never know when we're going to be the answer to someone else's prayer.