The Choice

I had the most amazing experience last week.

Photo Credit: Sarah Tapp Photography

It happened again. You know, falling into the mundane, getting so caught up in the every day tasks of living, that I forget to actually live. I was at a base line. I don't want to say I was numb, because I don't think that was the case. I just wasn't feeling anything. I had nothing to be happy about, but I had nothing to be sad about either. When people asked me how things were going, I honestly didn't know what to tell them. The optimist inside me would typically take over and answer in an upbeat manner, while the realist part of me questioned the words coming out of my mouth, "But what's so great about life right now? Nothing. So why are you saying that you crazy person? There's nothing to be cheerful about. So stop smiling."

Well this battle has been going for a couple weeks. The optimist inside me was getting a little worn out, when I stumbled across a prayer in one of my text books. This prayer was different though. It didn't ask for the removal of trials, or some great blessing or miracle. Instead, the author of the prayer plead with the Lord for whatever He saw fit to bestow at the time, even if it meant a trial.

As I read the words of the prayer, I felt a stirring in my heart. "This is what I'm missing," I thought.

You know the saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" Well folks, be careful what you pray for. I did the crazy thing. I prayed for a trial.

It came the next day.

And it stung.

But then the most amazing things happened. One right after the other.

It's funny how trials have a way of opening my eyes to the hand of God.

It started with a lesson in my Psychology of Effective Living class, about the amazing amount of control we have over our bodies. It ended with a song, and a choice.

Did you know you can control your own heartbeat? I'm serious. We tried it out on a small scale in my psych class. Our professor had us take our pulse without any other instructions. I wrote my number down. Then, for just a few moments, she had us think about something that excited, scared, or stressed us recently and take our pulse again. My heart rate increase by nearly 10 beats per minute. To finish our experiment, our professor instructed us to think about our hearts. "See it: a healthy, red, beating heart, picture it in your mind. Now command it to slow down. Envision it slowing, calming, and take your pulse one last time." My final heart rate was 10 beats slower than my original number. It was the craziest thing!

So what does this have to do with the hand of God?

I'm getting there, I promise.

Photo Credit: Sarah Tapp Photography

That day in psychology, we also talked about how our hearts aren't the only thing we control. We control our emotions, how we see the world. Happiness is a choice. There was a quote my mother recited to me all the time when I was a little girl. I didn't get it then, but I do now, "Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it." This quote was brought up in my class as well. In life, there will always be things to be miserable about. However, if we choose to open our eyes to the good in the world, there are just as many things in life that can bring us happiness.

Later that night, driving home from a friend's house, I was thinking about everything that had happened in the past 24 hours, from the shattering of my heart, to my amazing class, and the time I had just spent with my good friend, when a song came on the radio. It was one I didn't recognize so I was about to switch channels when I felt prompted to just listen. So I did. I couldn't believe what I heard.

Tell your heart to beat again

Close your eyes and breath it in

Let the shadows fall away

Step into the light of grace

Yesterday's a closing door

You don't live there anymore

Say goodbye to where you've been

And tell your heart to beat again.

It's been a week since I started this post, and nearly two weeks since everything that I've told you about has taken place. Now I am facing a choice that I'd rather pretend did not exist. But it's time. And now, because of the things I have been learning these past couple weeks, I know things will be okay. In the end, all that really matters is if I choose to be happy or not.

And let me tell you my friends,

I chose happiness.

:)

What will you choose?