Who I Am

A Thought

Don't be afraid to be you.

Since the new year, I have experienced a lot of change. I've moved into a new apartment, struggled more than usual with school, been diagnosed with social anxiety (a side-affect of other difficulties), and watched as several meaningful friendships crumbled to the ground.

However, with these trials I've also been given many opportunities. I've made new friends, reconnected with old ones, gotten to know my family better, and continued in school, work, and learning about the gospel. With each trial and each blessing I have been discovering a little more of me.

Life is hard. That's just the way it is. But life doesn't have to be miserable. It's all in the way we look at it. In the past few months, I have felt my heart shatter over and over again; I have been exhausted, in every sense of the word; I have felt betrayed and alone; there have even been times when I have wondered how I could possibly go on.

But I've been learning.

You know what I've learned? I am resilient. I am loyal. And I have more love to give this world than I know what to do with. You know what else I've learned? Broken bones heal and broken hearts still beat. Nothing that I go through has to stop me from being who I am. That goes for you too.

How often does fear keep us from being who we really are? It's easy to get so caught up in the pain of the past, that we guard ourselves, dimming the light that shines from within. What if someone finds me irritating? What if I love, but no one ever loves me back? Better not to speak. Better not to love. But what a sad way to live! I know, because too often, I find myself falling into this trap. The only way I've found to avoid it, is to change my perspective. President Uchtdorf, a respected leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once gave this advice about keeping a positive attitude amid difficult circumstances:

Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind. (General Conference, April, 2014)

Towards the end of this past semester, I had the opportunity to go to a dance performance on campus. The entire event was thought-provoking, creative, and inspiring. The theme of the night had to do with dreams, and each dance was centered on that theme. Through music and movement, day dreams, fairy-tales, dreams of the future...etc were presented in a wide variety. One particular dance, a waltz, really struck me. I soon felt droplets of salt-water splash onto my lap, and had no real explanation as to why. A few days later, I looked up the song from the dance that made me cry, and found this:

*see the video? now is a good time to watch it*

It was the song.

The lyrics, melody, & accompaniment along with the beauty of dance worked in harmony that night, to melt my heart. My mind became clear as the final puzzle piece fell into place.

This is who I am. It's okay that I love deeply, laugh easily, and sing out loud. It's okay that I struggle with focusing, remembering important things, and being in big crowds. I love my quirks. I'm working on my weaknesses. And the greatest people in my life, are the people who see both the good and the bad, the strengths and the weaknesses, the quirks and the potentially annoying habits - all of me, they see it all - but stand beside me anyway. They're the ones who see a beauty in me that I can't even see in myself.

What about you?

Who are you, when you stand in the light? What about when clouds block the sun? Who are you then? Don't stop being you just because things get tough. Don't let heartbreak stop you from giving love, or disappointment keep you from feeling hope. The world needs you. You have strength, talent, and beauty that no one else can offer. You are unique. Your life can be a light for someone else to shine in. Don't let fear dim that light. Don't let fear keep you from being who you are, doing what you love, or believing in something bigger than yourself.

Keep being you. The people who love you for who you are will love you even more. The people who love you for who you're not? Well, you deserve better.

So. What did I learn this semester?

Hold on, trust God, and be you.